Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
