Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
