Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my penis made a compromise with my morals
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
