Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
