i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
