I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
