So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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