NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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