she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
