So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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