So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
