I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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