I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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