remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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