Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
