her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
