Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
