for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
