Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
