Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
