This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
