Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
