I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
