R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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