why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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