i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
