Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
