I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
