Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize