i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
