Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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