America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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