sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
