So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
