your thong is hanging out like whoa
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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