my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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