You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
