If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
