He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
