are you still at the devil's house?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
