omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
