My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
