false alarm. still invincible.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
