yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
