I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
