Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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