dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
