I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
