I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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