When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
