So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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