What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
