omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
