Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
