Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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