i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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