Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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