Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
