Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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