I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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