plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
