get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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