She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
